I used contraceptives ten years before my husband and I began to use Natural Family Planning... Birth control bothered my conscience. I used to justify my use of it because my husband was not Catholic. I felt that he would not be open to Natural Family Planning. Little did I know the precious gift God gave me in my husband. Had I communicated my struggles, thoughts, assumptions and feelings, I know it would have been different. But at that time in my life, fear and insecurities seemed to be dominant. I decided to consult a priest about my problem. I presented to a priest my situation as I understood it. I was in an interfaith marriage, and not to use a form of birth control could cause tremendous hardship in our marriage. I had conjured up the worst. Could it even cause a divorce? I sat in the priest's office fearful, trembling and at times tearful. What was he supposed to do? As far as he knew, I was giving him the accurate assessment of my marital relationship. In my mind, I believed the situation to be that critical. I know the priest's heart went out to me. In all honesty and compassion he wanted to quiet and calm a fearful young woman. I can't remember all the words of comfort and encouragement that he gave me or even if he shared about the teaching of the Church, but what I do remember are these words: "Let love be my guide." This suggestion sounded good to me. Let love be my guide... Let love be my guide? My question was, "What is love?" At that time in my life, love meant don't stir the waters... Don't rock the boat... Don't take a risk communicating my struggles to my husband. Who knows what I might have to face possible rejection or even ridicule. Let love be my guide? To me, love meant keeping peace at all costs. Peace to me meant the absence of risks, disagreements and confrontation. It meant not communicating about questionable material. It didn't matter what the internal struggle of my heart, mind or soul might be. I have learned since then that in marriage I have to communicate or I will find myself alienated from my husband. I have no other choice if I want my marriage to grow and flourish. I have to take risks, face my fears and share. This communication has helped me to grow in understanding and trust with my husband. Let love be my guide?This was just what I needed to hear to justify my use of the pill, IUD, condoms, diaphragms, gels, and foams. I often wondered what would have happened if the priest had said, "This is what the Church teaches..." and left the responsibility and accountability up to me? Who knows? I might have left, judging the Church as uncaring and out-of-date, and judged the priest the same. I might have gone from priest to priest until I heard what I wanted to hear. Scripture talks about the day when people will raise up leaders to tell them what they want to hear. "For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine, but, following their own desires,will surround themselves with teacherswho tickle their ears."2 Timothy 4:3 That is what I was doing, although I was not consciously aware of it. In my human nature, I was looking for justification and rationalization not to follow the church's teaching. I just needed ONE word or ONE phrase to say contraception was okay. I used contraceptives... I used contraceptives ten years before my husband and I began to use Natural Family Planning. Since then I have thought many times about my use of the IUD and the pill. I have no idea how many children (unknowingly) were aborted by my use of these forms of contraception. Scripture says: "But if they obey not, they perish;they die for lack of knowledge." Job 36:12 Scripture does NOT say that I will be excused for not obeying or for not having knowledge. I have a teaching Church and I WILL be held accountable for the decisions, and consequences of my behavior. I will also be held accountable for the judgments and the counsels I have made or suggested because of wanting to right things and make things comfortable for myself or others. Scripture reads: "I assure you, on judgment day people will be held accountable for every unguarded word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."Matthew 12:36-37 Did I by my silence or opinions encourage contraception to others? I now realize how important it is for me to guard my words in counseling, so that I do not support contraceptive behavior. I will be partly held accountable for bad advise that resulted in damaged relationships, abortions, divorces, health problems, etc. Besides the knowledge that contraception is intrinsically evil (See the New Catechism 2370 page 570), the divorce rate among contraceptive users is fifty percent as compared to Natural Family Planning users, two to five percent. This should be sufficient reasons to strongly encourage Natural Family Planning. The pain I experienced... The pain and struggle I experienced over contraception, I believe, was a direct result of my attitude and disobedience to the teachings of the Church. When my attitude IS one of reverence and respect to those in authority, the result is a peace, that gets me through IF there is suffering. I am convinced there are some things I will never receive in this life unless I am obedient. If I can't subject myself to those I see, how can I learn submission and obedience to God who I cannot see? Throughout Scripture God directed and governed His people through a visible, structured leadership. He continues to govern his people through the Church today. In Numbers, Aaron and Miriam complained against Moses saying, "Is it through Moses alone that the Lord speaks? Does He not speak through us also?"Numbers 12:2 This is the same argument individuals and groups are using today against the teaching authority of the church. I did the same, I placed myself as my own authority. The Lord became angry with Miriam because she spoke against His servant's leadership. Miriam was struck with leprosy. I believe sin, spiritually, affects our souls in the same way that leprosy affects the body.Leprosy is a disease that attacks the nerves. In addition to skin lesions, leprosy also causes the nerve endings to die, beginning first at the extremities, the fingers and toes. People with leprosy gradually lose all sensation and eventually become paralyzed to the point that they don't feel pain. Sin does the same in my spiritual life. Eventually, I am unable to feel or recognize the pain of being separated from God. I do believe I will suffer the consequences of rebellion and disobedience. When I choose not to respect and listen to the teaching authority of the Church, I could experience leprosy of the heart, mind or spirit. In not listening to Church teaching, I suffered the consequences and alienated myself from the fullness God intended in my marital sexuality. One day, I prayed ... As I prayed one day, I asked the Lord to communicate to me the best strategic weapon that only a Christian could use, a weapon that would dispel the darkness and the enemy from its constant onslaught against the family, and the destruction of mind, body, and spirit. A weapon that would put the enemy to flight. I kept asking the Lord, "What is it?" Just as the armed forces have their secret weapons, I asked, "What is ours?" The answer came back clearly: "Obedience to the word of God and to the teachings of the Church." Obedience is the weapon... Obedience is the weapon of protection and deliverance. You might say, "But we have many in the Church who disagree with the Church's teaching on birth control and will often tell you what you want to hear." Scripture talks about those who give messages that tickle your ears and also about those entrapped in their own philosophies. They will be held accountable. Some will say, "Let your conscience be your guide." This advice leaves everyone to do their own will. It is important to form the conscience by the Word of God and the teachings of the Church. The Canadian bishops say that if your conscience goes against the Word of God and the teachings of the Church then you must believe that your conscience is in error. I believe that. It is not my trust in man or even in the Church that gives me this faith, but my trust in Christ's own words to His disciples: "He who hears you hears Me." Luke 10:16. I believe in the faithfulness... I believe in the faithfulness of the Holy Spirit's guidance in and through the Church. If the Church consistently teaches something as truth, then I believe it is truth no matter how many people defy it, try to soft-pedal it, or give rationalizations, confirmations, or justifications for dissenting. What does the very word dissent mean? "To differ in opinion," "to refuse adherence to a belief." "Responsible dissent" is a modern term. I asked myself, "Is it responsible to encourage dissent from something that teaches self- control and responsibility for sexual behavior?" This is exactly what the world needs compared to the destructive consequences of contraceptive behavior: selfishness, promiscuity, addiction, abortion, etc. Another question I asked, "Is it responsible to teach couples that contraceptive behavior is acceptable?" I was tempted to discount the church's teaching when one or two couples found it a hard teaching to follow and walked away from Natural Family Planning, much like Jesus' followers in the scriptures on the Eucharist. But after seeing the change in hundreds of couples, I feel a stronger urgency to offer even more encouragement to couples to use Natural Family Planning. I believe Natural Family Planning is for every married couple, even for the life and death situation. If a couple is using contraception, they may be having intercourse during their fertile time. Their chances of getting pregnant are higher than if they are using NFP, because they would be abstaining during the fertile time. "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."Hebrews 12:11 If you cannot encourage couples to use Natural Family Planning, please contact a couple that is using Natural Family Planning and they can encourage them. We can tell them, "You CAN do it!" "You CAN control yourself!" You are created in God's image, He has given you authority over your passions. You have within you the power to follow Natural Family Planning, You have only to commit yourself and carry it out. Read Deut. 30:11-14. What am I to do? I ask myself, "What am I to do if people choose not to follow the Church's teaching on birth control?" I will love them, bless them, and continue to pray for them. God never withdraws His love from me, no matter how many times I seem to fail. He is always there to pick me up and encourage me along the way. I must do the same for others. There will always be some in the Church that will misconstrue the teaching on Natural Family Planning and negate their responsibility. They will NOT exercise restraint and self-control. There will be some couples who will have more children than they can handle and consider themselves good Catholics because they are not using birth control. Yet they might blame the Church and expect it to financially support them in times of trouble. I must continue to reach out and try to help them. I must try to educate and counsel them to accept personal responsibility. Some will reject this offer too. (Even among contraceptive users, some fail to use contraceptives as taught.) The truth is that they do not want to exercise restraint or accept personal responsibility, and irresponsibility will be apparent in other areas of their life too. I do NOT believe that God wishes us to bring children into the world and expect others to raise them. I do believe when there are sufficient serious reasons to postpone pregnancy that God would have me accept the responsibility by controlling my sexual behavior. I share my story with you... I share my story with you because I find that the responsibility to be steadfast and unwavering is sometimes hard to carry. I also know how easy it is to disregard the church's teaching when trying to comfort a woman or a couple if their story seems to be the exception to the rule. Guard your words, for it is the truth that will set them free. I've counseled a young woman with cancer, on chemo-theraphy. Pregnancy would have meant a life threatening experience. I told her she needed NFP more now than ever. She was to use the most conservative rule and when in doubt abstain. It was tough but she and her husband came through it much stronger in their relationship because of it. The easiest couple we ever taught had the best attitude. It was, "This is what the Church teaches so this is what we are going to do." They had no other options. Encourage your couples to frequent the sacraments for the strength they need. If they continue to struggle, ask them to go to their pastor and ask for the sacrament of anointing. Remember, contraception is a spiritual leprosy. God bless your ministries! Arlene